So What's New With You?

It's funny how often this little question gets asked, at social gatherings, unexpected reencounters, etc. I feel that this question only leads to rather awkward conversations, more so even the longer it's been since you've seen the person who asked it.

For someone like myself who has a difficulty with change, and pretty much keeps everything that can be controlled consistant, this question just makes me seem boring or makes the person who asked it feel bad for me in some way. "Oh how sad, you're still at that same old job?", " Oh you're still living at home, with your parents?", "Oh you still don't have a husband, boyfriend, or even an optomistic potential life partner? I'm so sorry for you."

Usually these are followed by how amazing or happy their life is. "Oh ya, me and my new husband/wife are so happy, just got a new house and are expecting our first child, so I'm real glad that I got that super-duper new job to help pay for all it." Not to say that I, or people like me, aren't extremely excited for all of your accomplishments, but depending on the person and how this information is presented, at times it can seem degrading. Especially when having given our "Same Old Thing" response to your intial question, and your obvious pity/sorry tone for how boring or horrible our life must be.

To clarify for anyone out there that may possible do this even unknowingly even, here's some clarifications that I think will help you when you feel compelled to ask this question but at times don't know how to respond to the other person's answer.

*Just becasue you're extremely happy with your spouse, child, home, job, family, etc. Doesn't mean that everyone that doesn't have these things isn't happy.

*The "Same Old Thing" in a person's life often causes them to be the same. Many times leaving the way for now distant friendships to return back the way they were left.

*If you are happy, and do have amazing new developments in your life, we do wanna know and share that joy with you. It won't make us feel bad about our own life.

In addition I think many times, especially if it has been an extreme amount of time since you've seen this person, little things and changes don't come up in conversation. Ofter disgarded as non-noteworthy. "Oh well I painted my room last week.", "I just bought the new Coldplay CD.", "I just went camping for the weekend." All things that could make me happy but in the context of this converstion seem unimportant. But a bunch of these little "New Things" could really contribute to a person's happiness. Which ultimatly is the reason for asking the question, to find out what's going on this persons life and how they're doing.

Sad to say to that many of times, depending on the people and the circumstances, if there is something that is "New" in the person's life that is sad, horrible or depressing, that may often be completely ommitted so as not to pass on this downer of a feeling and potentially end the conversation even more awkwardly.

If given more thought I hope to find a different way of phrasing this question so that any awkward moments could be avoided while still leaving the general concern for the person's well being and happiness in tact. Then seeing a face that you haven't in awhile won't always include feelings of unsatisfacation, pity or pessimistic assumptions, but rather indeed catch people up on what the other's life is and has been like since you've last seen each other.