Robotic Tendencies

When things in a person's life go bad, often times they are asked how they feel, how they're coping. This is usually to discern what kind and how much aid this person will need. Whether it be a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, or maybe even actual physical assistance.

As a person who as I can best describe it, has the emotions of a Robot, I find it difficult to express how I feel when things do go wrong.

The last few months have been very difficult. I have had many of tragic things side swipe my family and myself, still dealing with the aftermath or ongoing struggle of it all of you will.

It's hard to answer normal, human people when asked "How am I doing?" I just don't know how to express it to them unless they truly know me and how my Robotic emotions work. Honestly I am not sad. I don't need a shoulder to cry on, or a comforting hug, or someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright. I analyse all the positive and negative data related to the circumstance and try to best guesstimate what the best possible outcome could be in the situation, and what actions I must take to achieve that optimal outcome.

However I'm not exactly sure why but sometimes I feel the need to, for lack of a better term, fake that I have normal emotions so as not as to raise a bunch of unnecessary questions or concerns. In normal situations where most of those present are sad, or grieving, or crying, say at a funeral, I on occasion feel some sort of obligation to make myself cry or at least appear to be fighting the tears, when really I am struggling to not look like a heartless cold Robot that I am.

Now this of course is not to say that I am completely unfeeling. I consider myself a considerably happy person in general, and I am known to be compassionate and caring to those that I love, which of course an actual Robot would not be able to do. Just when it comes to displaying in depth emotions such as Sadness, Rage, Affection, these come as a great task to me.

Many times I feel however that my Robotic Tendencies have spared me much heartache and grief that I see many around me undergoing. So I do consider myself fortunate for this reason. I also do my best to learn from others emotions and the circumstances which led to them feeling that way either to prevent or try to attain something similar in my life, if possible.

While all this is true I am always here for a human friend in need that maybe going through an emotionally rough time. I may not be able to sympathise or know how or why you are feeling the way you do, but I can ask how you are doing? Then determine what sort of action I must take to aid you so that you can once again feel happy. My ears, shoulders and open arms are available upon times of need.

So What's New With You?

It's funny how often this little question gets asked, at social gatherings, unexpected reencounters, etc. I feel that this question only leads to rather awkward conversations, more so even the longer it's been since you've seen the person who asked it.

For someone like myself who has a difficulty with change, and pretty much keeps everything that can be controlled consistant, this question just makes me seem boring or makes the person who asked it feel bad for me in some way. "Oh how sad, you're still at that same old job?", " Oh you're still living at home, with your parents?", "Oh you still don't have a husband, boyfriend, or even an optomistic potential life partner? I'm so sorry for you."

Usually these are followed by how amazing or happy their life is. "Oh ya, me and my new husband/wife are so happy, just got a new house and are expecting our first child, so I'm real glad that I got that super-duper new job to help pay for all it." Not to say that I, or people like me, aren't extremely excited for all of your accomplishments, but depending on the person and how this information is presented, at times it can seem degrading. Especially when having given our "Same Old Thing" response to your intial question, and your obvious pity/sorry tone for how boring or horrible our life must be.

To clarify for anyone out there that may possible do this even unknowingly even, here's some clarifications that I think will help you when you feel compelled to ask this question but at times don't know how to respond to the other person's answer.

*Just becasue you're extremely happy with your spouse, child, home, job, family, etc. Doesn't mean that everyone that doesn't have these things isn't happy.

*The "Same Old Thing" in a person's life often causes them to be the same. Many times leaving the way for now distant friendships to return back the way they were left.

*If you are happy, and do have amazing new developments in your life, we do wanna know and share that joy with you. It won't make us feel bad about our own life.

In addition I think many times, especially if it has been an extreme amount of time since you've seen this person, little things and changes don't come up in conversation. Ofter disgarded as non-noteworthy. "Oh well I painted my room last week.", "I just bought the new Coldplay CD.", "I just went camping for the weekend." All things that could make me happy but in the context of this converstion seem unimportant. But a bunch of these little "New Things" could really contribute to a person's happiness. Which ultimatly is the reason for asking the question, to find out what's going on this persons life and how they're doing.

Sad to say to that many of times, depending on the people and the circumstances, if there is something that is "New" in the person's life that is sad, horrible or depressing, that may often be completely ommitted so as not to pass on this downer of a feeling and potentially end the conversation even more awkwardly.

If given more thought I hope to find a different way of phrasing this question so that any awkward moments could be avoided while still leaving the general concern for the person's well being and happiness in tact. Then seeing a face that you haven't in awhile won't always include feelings of unsatisfacation, pity or pessimistic assumptions, but rather indeed catch people up on what the other's life is and has been like since you've last seen each other.