You Are Not Here

To say that I miss you, is simply not enough.
How living without you by my side is so tough.
While I am here, and you are there,
All I can think is just how unfair.

So many things every day are constantly reminding me of you.
Never letting me forget how I am now just One and not Two.
This has forced me to grow and discover a new me,
All the things I am capable of and all I want to be.
Still though it's as if my smile is only half of what it was,
and there is so much that's not as fun if it is not Us.

Then I can't begin to explain how hard it's been this year.
Coping with worst case scenarios and the reality of my fear.
Slowly breaking me down and taking their heavy toll,
I feel as though over my own life I have absolutely no control.
Maybe if you were here I might still feel this way.
How it would've all played out, whose really to say.

As things keep changing, so much goes through my mind.
If now I loose you too, no one else could I find.
I no longer have so many who were once close.
Without you, being all alone is what I dread the most.
While I always knew each had their own path to take,
All finding it at once, leaves me with decisions to make.

Because of all of this it's hard to say who I'll be.
Will you even know and understand that that is now me?
How will this affect us, once you have come home?
Even when you're here again, will I still feel all alone?