Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I do not handle change well. Over the years I have learned that change is an inherit way of life and that it does happen, whether you like it to or not. That some change is necessary, and that many of changes are often for the good. However I still have a most difficult time when change does happen and most of all when it affects me personally.
I recently have had a numerous amounts of changes in my life, some good and some bad. This has cause me myself to change, unlike never before. I find myself questioning everything. Who I am, where am I going, what will I become? My goals, outlook on life, and lived-by personal philosophecies seem to all be changing. I seem to live one day at a time.
Things I once felt so strongly and passionate for, I am now indifferent toward. Somethings that I always thought I wanted and looked forward to, I now could care less about. In turn things I never imagined even wanting in my life, I suddenly feel the desire even the need for. Things I was so confident about knowing about myself, I now second guess.
I hate that I'm this person that I don't even know.
I don't know if all these changes will help me in times to come, to better cope with greater changes in the future. Or if now I have become more internally unstable, and possibly vulernable to unseen disaters? Is all this just some sort of mid-mid-life crisis, or an emotional breakdown of sorts (minus the emotion), and once all is said in done I'll be back to good ol' me again?
I suppose only with the passing of time and with reliance upon Jehovah can I see the answers to my questions.
